


let our hearts beat calmly at last

by ghostangel



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Big Bang Challenge, Jealous!Alex, Light Angst, M/M, flatmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostangel/pseuds/ghostangel
Summary: There was a boy. He caught Alex’s eye from the very first moment he entered the shop. He was taller than him and a bit more handsome. Only a bit. His eyes were blue and Alex had always disliked blue eyes. Or so he thought. The dark circles under his eyes never seemed to go away. He walked with an air of superiority and only read classics. Probably an English literature student. But Alex had caught him, more than once, secretly smiling at the book he was quietly reading and for some reason he couldn’t get this image out of his head.-After his parents broke up and June started working at the other side of the city, Alex has been running their family bookshop alone. But sometimes he feels lonely and sad, although he will never admit it to the girls. And he doesn't have to, really - they know it. So, that's why they make him put up an ad on a newspaper, asking for a flatmate and an employee. That's when Henry comes into his life.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 66
Kudos: 114
Collections: Red White & Royal Blue Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here it is! The bookstore AU I always wanted to write ❤ A big thanks to [@narcissacronin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissacronin/pseuds/narcissacronin) for beta reading this and a big thanks to [@aftgfanart](https://aftgfanart.tumblr.com) for creating some awesome art for this fic. Her art will be on the last chapter so keep an eye out for that💕 I really hope you enjoy this!

Alex didn't know what  _ “feeling lonely” _ meant. For most of his life, he had been surrounded by family and friends. When he broke his leg, his mother stayed up all night with him to take care of her whining 12 year-old idiot son who thought the world was ending. When he almost drowned in a lake on their summer vacation at the age of 14, his father was there to wrap him up in a warm blanket and hug him until he stopped trembling. Even when his parents broke up, June and Nora were there to comfort him, watch movies, eat pancakes and laugh. They were all gone now, living their lives away from him, and Alex found himself unable to hold back his tears when he burned his hand on the stove, because of a stupid mistake, and there was no one with him to ask if he was alright or even laugh at him. 

He dragged himself to the bathroom and found their first-aid kit. As he was holding his hand under the cold water, he suddenly realized that he had to take care of himself on his own now. And just like that Alex Claremont-Diaz knew what “being lonely” meant.

  
  


There was a boy. He caught Alex’s eye from the very first moment he entered the shop. He was taller than him and a bit more handsome. Only a bit. His eyes were blue and Alex had always disliked blue eyes. Or so he thought. The dark circles under his eyes never seemed to go away. He walked with an air of superiority and only read classics. Probably an English literature student. But Alex had caught him, more than once, secretly smiling at the book he was quietly reading and for some reason he couldn’t get this image out of his head. 

The boy always seemed sad, but at moments like this, he transformed to someone carefree, someone that didn’t look like the world was crashing down on him, someone  _ happy _ . 

Sometimes Alex found himself trying to guess his name. He thought James or maybe Harry would suit him. Or something pretentious like Richard. At some point, the boy became a regular customer, but they haven’t really exchanged more than a couple of words with Alex.

He always came alone and bought a lot of old books. He seemed to really like the “study space” Alex and June had made. The previous summer they found a very beautiful old wooden table in a second-hand store. They bought it and placed it close to the window in the back of the bookshop. All the chairs around it were mismatched because they decided to just buy whichever chair seemed comfortable enough. 

Alex caught himself thinking about that boy more and more often. He told himself it was because of the mystery surrounding him. He didn’t seem to have any friends, he spent hours reading books and he avoided everyone who tried to talk to him. Alex had seen numerous girls striving to start a conversation with him, but he had a talent at making them leave the store fuming. Alex felt sorry for them. Or maybe he didn’t. 

  
  


June didn’t visit often enough. Alex and her used to live together in the apartment above the bookstore and then, one day, she decided she didn’t want to live with her brother anymore and moved out. Well, the truth is she found a job on the other side of the city and she didn’t want to spend one hour every morning to get to her office. Still, Alex felt bitter about it. He missed her a lot. 

It was a Sunday. The shop was supposed to be closed but some new orders had arrived and Alex was moving the heavy boxes into their storage room. By the time he finished he was drenched in sweat and he was breathing heavily. June and Nora decided to show up just as he sat down. 

“What happened to  _ you _ ?” Nora asked in lieu of hello. 

Alex was too tired to find a sarcastic response so he just gave her the Look. Nora sat down next to him and June returned with a glass of cold water. 

“I was moving some boxes to the storage room,” he said as soon as he downed his glass. 

“Alone?” June asked. 

“Do you see anyone else here?” Alex asked back.

“You know,” Nora started, “maybe it’s time to hire someone to help you with this place.”

“I don’t need help,” Alex automatically replied.

“Oh boy, yes you do,” June said.

Alex didn’t reply and they seemed to drop the matter for now. They helped him put some new books at the shelves and clean the place a bit. Then they headed upstairs and ate together. The girls had brought wine with them. They finished one bottle and then one more. The evening passed in the blink of an eye and suddenly it was time for them to go. 

“Come on, you can sleep here tonight,” Alex whined, but he already knew the answer. 

“I have to go to work tomorrow morning,” June said. 

Alex reached out and linked his arm with his sister’s arm, holding her tightly. “No, don’t go,” he said in a drunk-Alex signature way. 

Nora turned to look at him. “Maybe you need a flatmate more than you need an employee.”

Alex immediately let go of June. “No, I don’t,” he exclaimed. 

Both of the girls sighed. “Yes, you do. And that’s okay. You don’t have to do everything on your own,” June said while getting up. 

“You better find someone on your own till next Sunday or we will find one for you and that’s a threat,” Nora said. 

The door closed behind the girls and just like that he was left alone again. Sometimes Alex felt like his apartment was too big for him. But he really didn’t want a new random person in his life. Then again, it would be nice to have someone to eat breakfast with or talk to before you go to sleep. Yes, that would be very nice. 

Maybe June and Nora were right after all.  _ Again _ . 

  
  


Alex put up an ad on a newspaper.  _ Flatmate and employee needed!  _ He hated it. One day passed and then two and then a week and no one seemed to have seen it or cared about it.  _ A bunch of idiots _ , Alex thought,  _ who doesn’t want to work on a bookstore?  _ Two weeks passed and he had almost forgotten about the ad. And then something very unexpected happened. 

It was a Friday night. Normally, the bookshop closed around 8pm, but he had organized a book presentation. The brother of one of his old classmates had written a poetry book. It was called  _ “The Sun and the Moon _ ”. Ben, his old classmate, had come with his brother, Robert, one day to ask him to organize this. Alex was more than happy to do so. He read the book and it was nice, although he didn’t always  _ get _ poetry. 

June and Nora helped him put up some posters and hand out leaflets at their old university. Ben and Robert helped him decorate the place. Alex found some golden and silver papers at the supermarket and they cut out suns, stars and moons from them. They carried the table at the storage room and added more chairs. It all looked really good at the end. 

Around 40 people showed up. Robert seemed very happy with that. As he was talking about his book, Alex scanned the room. He spotted a couple of familiar faces, some of his regular customers. There was Milo, the English literature student from across the street, and Ms. Yang, the old lady that owned the coffee shop two blocks away. Mr. Kent and Amanda and - next to Amanda there was that mysterious boy again. Alex hadn’t seen him in a while. 

His gaze was focused on Robert who was now reading one of his poems. He seemed enchanted by it. Alex would swear there were tiny diamonds in his eyes.  _ He must really like poetry _ , Alex thought and made a mental note to show him some old poetry collections he was keeping in the back of the store next time he came in. 

The truth was Alex was slightly taken aback from how starstruck the boy looked. Alex didn’t get poetry most of the time and he always believed that no one actually did. They all just pretended. But  _ this person _ , this person probably understood it better than anyone else. At that moment Alex decided he wanted to learn more about him. 

The loud sound of clapping brought his thoughts to a halt. Apparently the presentation Robert gave was over. He immediately joined the others, clapping, although he hadn’t heard most of what he said. 

He congratulated him and quietly slipped back behind the counter, in case someone wanted to buy the book. It didn’t take long for the blond boy to appear. He was holding a copy of the  _ “The Sun and the Moon _ ” and something else that looked like a newspaper clipping.

“Hello,” he said. 

“Hello,” Alex said, but the boy didn’t move. “Uh, do you want to buy that?” he asked, gesturing at the book he was holding close to his chest.

The boy’s eyes widened. “Oh yes,” he said in a hurried tone and threw the book at the counter as if it had burned him. 

Alex shot him a look. “That’d be 8 pounds, please” he said while putting the book into a bag. The boy gave him the money and Alex gave him the bag, but he didn’t show any signs of leaving. 

“Is there anything else I could do for you?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Uh, yes,” the boy said and placed the newspaper clipping he was holding onto the counter. “I saw this ad,” he started, avoiding Alex’s gaze. 

The clipping seemed to have been folded several times again and again. Alex immediately recognized it. His face lit up.

“Are you still looking for a flatmate?” the boy finally asked. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot to mention on the 1st chapter is that the title of this fic is taken from the song [pyjama pants](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN184XVqhIo) by cavetown❤

Henry. That was his name. Alex hadn’t really thought about that, but it really suited him perfectly. They decided he wouldn’t have to pay rent if he worked for free. It was a win-win situation. Alex would have someone to help him with the shop and Henry would have a place to stay and unlimited access to all the books he wanted 24/7. 

The apartment was big. The walls were white and it had lots of large windows. Henry loved how the sunlight came in and reflected on all surfaces. All rooms were bright. But it was also radiating a certain kind of melancholy. Maybe it was because of the empty shelves on the bookcases on the walls or the vacant bedroom. All of it was clear evidence that someone had once stayed there. They were the ghosts they had left behind. 

At first, Henry felt hesitant using that empty space. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was trespassing, that it didn’t belong to him to fill it. But Alex insisted on helping him place his things around the house and just like that the house was full again. 

Alex also insisted on training him on the job. It only took a couple of hours in the end. Apparently Henry had worked at a bookshop for a year when he was younger. He said it was more like helping a friend than working, but he still knew how a place like that was run. Not to mention he had spent so many hours in Alex’s store that he now knew exactly where each book belonged. 

June and Nora helped Henry move in. Alex wasn’t a big fan of the idea. Mainly because his sister wouldn’t stop talking about what a handsome employee and flatmate he had found. As if they weren’t the ones to convince him to do all this. 

Henry was trained, his things were put in place, and, according to Nora, it was time for a drink. They all wanted to know more about this mysterious person, so off they went to the nearest decent bar. 

The air smelled of sweat and beer and the music was too loud — just like Alex liked it. Henry looked uncomfortable with it, but he didn’t say anything. They sat down on a table and ordered some beers. June soon started complaining about her new landlord and Nora decided to embarrass Alex by talking about their childhood and how there was a time he was determined not to take a shower ever again. 

Henry’s laugh was restrained, but nice. It made Alex feel proud for having something to do with creating it. 

“So Henry, are you studying right now?” Nora asked after a while. 

He seemed to hesitate before he answered, “I want to study English literature.”

June’s eyes lit up. “My minor was in English Lit,” she said. 

It looked like Henry gained a little bit of confidence after that. “It’s what I had always wanted to do,” he said, taking a sip of his beer. “But my family insisted on studying economics.” 

Alex couldn’t tell if the red on his cheeks was because of the drink or because he said something he wasn’t planning to. 

“Oh that’s bullshit!” Nora said a little louder than normal. “You should go after what you love or you’ll end up miserable in your life.” After that she went and refilled their drinks. Henry looked a lot sadder now and Alex swore at her inside his mind. 

The girls asked him more and more questions. Apparently, he could play the guitar and the piano and he lived in a hotel before moving in with Alex. June made the mistake of asking about his family and Henry mumbled something about not having the best relationship with them then excused himself. 

Alex shot her a death glare. 

“How was I supposed to know it was a touchy subject?” June exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in mock surrender. 

When he came back, Alex changed the subject to music and poetry. Not that he knew much about any of those, but it seemed like Henry could talk and talk and talk about them for hours. His eyes were sparkling and his mouth was moving so fast, almost as if he was scared someone would interrupt him and he had to say as much as he could before that happened. 

But he looked happy. His face was slightly red and his hair was sticking out in odd directions. Alex decided he liked it when Henry looked like that.

They drank more and after a while they had all lost track of how many drinks they’d had. June had left her car outside the bookstore, but she was in no state to drive. Nora said she’d help her get home and they got into a bus together. 

Henry was half carrying Alex on the walk home. Alex was leaning onto him, his arm perched across his shoulders. He was whispering a song, but Henry wasn’t sure which one it was. 

Outside the door, Henry reached on Alex’s pocket to find the keys. They were close, too close for Henry’s liking, or more accurately for Henry not to start thinking about how nice Alex smelled, even after god knows how many beers, or about how red and soft his lips looked. 

Alex seemed to wake up a bit as soon as they got inside and he went straight to his bedroom. Henry headed towards his. He wished he had drank more, because if he had, he wouldn’t think too much. He didn’t like thinking too much. 

But his skin was burning in all the places Alex had leaned on and his heart was racing faster than ever. 

  
  


Henry had been working on the bookstore and living with Alex for almost a week, when one Saturday, a black man with bright pink hair entered the shop. He was wearing designer clothes and two golden rings. A huge smile formed in his face as soon as his eyes found Henry. 

“Simple as always,” Henry said eyeing him up and down. His smile matched the one on the man’s face. 

Alex watched as they walked to each other and hugged tightly for more than he thought was needed. There was an uncomfortable feeling spreading on his chest. The man run his hand through Henry’s hair and Alex felt like something was beginning to burn inside of him. 

“This is Pez,” Henry said. Alex hadn’t even realized they had come to the counter and were now standing in front of him. “My best friend,” he explained. 

Pez extended his hand and Alex took it. “Alex,” he said and he couldn’t help but let that nasty feeling seep through his words. “Nice to meet you.” 

Henry must have sensed something was off, because he took Pez away from Alex. They sat down at the studying space and started talking. 

Alex tried to get on with registering books on the system, but he kept glancing over at them. For some reason, he felt like he had to know what they were doing. He told himself he didn’t like Pez because of his clothes or because he seemed pretentious. But that was the first time he saw Henry smile so much and if he was being honest, it made his heart ache. 

On Saturdays they closed at around 2pm. Henry and Pez decided that it was a nice enough day to go eat and lay down at the park. Alex hated the idea, but something inside of him pushed him to agree. He texted June as they were getting inside Pez’s car. He needed some back-up to survive this. 

The rest of the day wasn’t as big of a disaster as he thought it would be. The truth was, Pez was a really funny person. It didn’t take long for June and Nora to arrive and their faces immediately when they saw Pez. They seemed to really like him. They bought burritos and played card games. The sun was shining and it made Alex feel sleepy and his body felt heavy. He dozed off for a bit, while the others were arguing about a movie. 

The fact that Pez and Henry were that close was still making him feel a little irritated, but deep down, he knew this was unfair. Of course Henry had friends, that was normal. Alex couldn’t quite figure out why it bothered him so much. 

Nora woke him up when it was time to go. The sun was going down and there was a breeze that made him shiver. Pez drove Henry and Alex back to their flat. They ordered pizza and saw a silly movie and before saying goodnight, Henry said, “Today was fun. We should do it again,” and something tightened in Alex’s chest.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a tradition — every Sunday they all ate together. Alex loved Sundays; the smell of food, the sweet taste of red wine, the sound of Nora and June laughing, the apartment being full of people. 

Alex hadn’t slept well that night, but he still woke up early. The power of the habit. Yesterday’s coffee was waiting for him on the kitchen counter and after he drank it and ate something, he started cooking. It wasn’t long before Henry and Pez woke up. 

Pez looked way more likeable now, sleepy and in his pyjamas. Alex’s mood worsened as soon as he saw them. He was angry, he didn’t know why, but he was. Henry looked very uncomfortable and that made the situation even worse. 

Pez, completely unable to read the room, mumbled a good morning and started talking about how soft that bed was. He sat down on the kitchen table and started drinking coffee. Alex went back to cooking and Henry offered to help more than once, but Alex kept refusing. 

He didn’t like Pez and he didn’t like how close he was with Henry and the fact that they slept in the same room and in the same bed and how they had probably done that a million times. He had no right feeling like that. And yet, he did. And he hated it. But the thought still hadn’t formed in his brain. Alex had always been a creature of feelings, although he’d always found it difficult putting a name to them. 

June and Nora brought wine and they all set the table together. Alex loved that chaos; plates changing hands and people accepting them with caution, food being carried and shared, glasses clinging and wishes exchanged. He was already feeling better. 

Alex was so focused on not looking at Pez that he missed all the glances he was exchanging with Nora and June. Henry was smiling at that. 

“So,” Nora began, pouring more wine into her glass, “how did you two meet? You didn’t tell us yesterday.”

“Oh Henry and me? Well, it’s a funny story-” Pez started but stopped after Henry shot him a death glare. They looked at each other’s eyes for a few seconds and Alex couldn’t help but feel surprised at how easy it was for them to talk, even without actually talking. 

“Now that I think about it,” he continued, “it’s not funny. Ours parents had known each other since before we were born.”

June narrowed her eyes. “Oh,” she said. “Do they work together?” 

“Something like that,” Henry quickly replied. 

“My parents are his family’s clients.”

“Clients?” Nora asked. 

“They work on a bank,” Henry explained again. 

Pez let out a loud laugh and everyone turned to look at him. “I just remembered something,” he said, but the girls didn’t miss the panicked look on Henry’s face. 

“You are both weird,” Nora said and continued eating. 

“Has Henry read you any of his poetry yet?” Pez asked after a while. 

Henry kicked him under the table. 

“How did this one go,” he said again, pretended to be thinking and then turned to Alex. “ _Our hearts were always meant to find each other, just like the stars are destined to explode_ -”

“ _A never-ending cycle of love, it’s worth it, when it comes to you,_ ” Henry whispered. His eyes were glued to his plate and he was moving his food around. 

“ _Your house is full of ghosts,_ ” Pez started again, “ _ghosts of the past._ ”

“ _I_ _n the dead of night, they speak of all the things you try to forget._ ”

“That’s beautiful,” June said, her voice low.

Alex wanted to say something too, but his words had stuck on his throat. He just kept staring at Henry. And Henry kept staring at his plate. 

Nora tried to change the subject and soon they were talking about the flat and the shop and yesterday’s walk to the park. Alex was glad about that. He couldn’t stand seeing Henry sad like that. 

June and Nora left at around 8pm and Alex went down to Nora’s car with them. They talked a bit and said their goodbyes. He watched as the car was driving away and his heart was heavy. 

As he was walking up the stairs, he was thinking of the next Sunday, but his thoughts came to an abrupt stop when he opened the door. On the couch Pez and Henry were giggling. They had fallen on top of each other and were pretending to be fighting. Henry was on top and he was holding a pillow, ready to attack, but Pez started tickling him and he fell down laughing. 

Alex froze and when they saw him, they froze too. Henry got up and started saying something, but Alex didn’t want to hear it. He stormed past them and into his bedroom. He slammed the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex tried to avoid Henry as much as he could, considering they lived and worked in the same place. He knew he had no right to feel the way he was feeling and that Henry had done nothing wrong. Alex knew him and Pez were close, but he just didn’t realize they were close like  _ that _ . His feelings were a mess and his heart beat faster every time he was in the same room with Henry. But he couldn’t explain it, or maybe he was really trying to explain it. Alex preferred pushing his thoughts under the rug and pretending that he just didn’t like Henry, because he was pretentious and stuck-up and too smart and prettier and his hair looked way softer than Alex’s. 

Henry tried to talk to him a couple of times, but he always mumbled something about needing to be elsewhere and vanished. Alex wanted to talk to Nora or June about this, but they were busy and it was going to be at least five more days before he saw them again. 

Living together with Henry was something he could deal with since he could hide in his room for hours. But working together was a whole other level of torture. If Henry looked at him with those wounded puppy eyes he had, Alex was going to lose it and break something. Why was he looking at him like that, anyway? Why didn’t he go annoy  _ Pez _ ? And why did Alex keep thinking about seeing them on the couch together? It isn’t like they were doing anything, really. But Henry was laughing in a way Alex had never heard him laugh and Pez’s head was buried in the crook of Henry’s neck. Alex wondered what that must have felt like. 

Six days passed, six days of them barely exchanging a dozen words and Alex was laying miserable in his bed, when he heard a knock on his door. It must have been Henry since he didn’t hear the main door open or close, so he ignored it. Then, there was the sound of something sliding onto the floor, the sound of paper against wood. Alex waited for Henry to go back to his room and then he turned on the light. There was a folded piece of paper laying on the floor of his room. He debated leaving it there, or sliding it back under Henry’s door without reading it, but curiosity got the best of him. 

_ Alex, _ it read,  _ since you are hellbent on avoiding me and acting like a child, I decided to write you a letter. I don’t understand why you are suddenly acting like this and for the life of me, I can’t figure out what I did wrong. I do consider you a friend and I don’t understand where it all went wrong. I’d appreciate it if you could just tell me, because this is difficult for me. I don’t like living with someone who looks at me like I killed their mother. If for some reason you decided you actually hate me, please let me know, so I can find somewhere else to stay and work. You don’t have to put up with me if you don’t want to. Just talk to me, okay? _

The letter took Alex by surprise. Not only he wasn’t used to Henry talking to him like that, but also, he suddenly realized how self absorbed he had been. It wasn’t easy to admit it, even to himself, but he hadn’t stopped to think about how he must have made Henry feel, not for a second. Alex knew his only friend was Pez and that he wasn’t really on speaking terms with his family, so living and working with someone who just ignored him all the time, without any explanation, must have been rough. Alex smacked himself on the forehead a couple of times. He had been so  _ stupid.  _ This was straight up unfair for Henry -- Henry who trusted him and considered him a friend. Henry who worked hard every day at the shop and wrote poetry on his breaks. Henry who smelled like soap and honey. 

Alex was out of his bed and outside Henry’s room before he could think about what he was doing. He knocked a couple of times, but there was no answer. He briefly considered just barging in, but he wasn’t in the position to do anything of that sort at that moment. He was ready to leave when a very sleepy Henry opened the door. His eyes were half closed and his hair sticking up in odd directions. Alex tried not to think about his chest tightening at the sight of him, so unpolished and  _ real _ . 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, his eyes landing on everything except from the man standing in front of him. 

Henry didn’t answer. Instead, he turned his back at Alex and walked towards his bed again, leaving the door open, though. He sat down on the edge of it and Alex followed his step. 

“Are you ready to tell me why you’ve been acting like that lately?” Henry asked, his voice coarse and deep. With a startle, Alex realized he had missed the sound of it. 

“Not really,” he said. “It’s not important. I know I’ve been a dick and I’m sorry. I don’t hate you and I don’t want you to move out.” 

Henry sighed. “But, you’re still not telling me the truth.” He sounded tired.

“No, it’s not that, I-” Alex buried his face into his hands. “I promise to tell you when I can.”. He turned to look at Henry. His eyes looked dark, darker than usual, under the dim moonlight. “I just don’t want you to leave,” he said, because it was true and because from the moment he read Henry’s letter, a deep fear had settled into his heart. 

Henry looked him in the eyes. “And want do you want?” he asked. 

For a second, Alex’s eyes involuntary shot to Henry’s lips and he was suddenly very aware of how close they were sitting. Their bodies were touching from hip to shoulder, and just like that every nerve in his body was set on fire. 

Alex shot up and took a few steps away from Henry before he did something stupid. “I think I should go back to sleep,” he said, clearing his throat and rubbing his neck. “Are we good now?”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Henry answered with a smile and Alex knew he was going to think of that smile for the rest of the night. 

“Goodnight,” Alex said, backing away from Henry’s room. 

“Goodnight,” Henry said. 

Once he was in his room, Alex fell head first into his bed. This was not good. This was not good at all. 

  
  


Alex liked Henry. That was a fact. And he had no idea what to do with that piece of information. That was also a fact. Alex had liked people before — mostly girls, though. This was something new and it scared him, which was yet another fact he had trouble admitting to himself. 

At least Alex wasn’t avoiding him anymore. They worked and went to the park and watched movies and ate breakfast and lunch and dinner together and it all felt normal again. No, it felt more than normal, it felt just how things were always supposed to be. Almost. Because Alex wanted  _ more _ . He always wanted more. 

June, Nora and Pez showed up at their flat one Saturday night.  _ Together _ , which Alex found highly suspicious. Apparently, one of his sister’s colleagues was throwing a party. Alex had never said no to a party. Henry seemed a little bit more reluctant to go, but Pez’s nagging eventually got to him and he agreed.  _ Of course Pez would convince him,  _ Alex thought. 

Half an hour later he was being squeezed in between Nora and June on the back seat of Pez’s car, while him and Henry were catching up and laughing on the front. He tried not to feel jealous — he really did — but he failed. They arrived at the guy’s house twenty minutes later and Alex was already regretting his decision to go out. 

His plan now was to get stupidly drunk and have fun with Nora and June, trying to forget about the other two members of their group. The house was two floors tall and it had a garden and a pool. Alex went straight inside, hoping to find the kitchen and all the alcohol. He was fine. This was _ fine _ . He definitely didn’t feel like his heart was going to jump out of his chest every time he was close to Henry, while Henry didn’t even look to his direction. But when Pez appeared they were all over each other. Yeah, this was perfectly fine. 

Alex grabbed a beer from the kitchen counter and downed it with four big gulps. And then he got a second one and finished it equally as fast. 

“Hey there, slow down, boy,” Nora said, appearing next to him. “Are you trying to get drunk?”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to do,” he replied, pouring himself a cup of vodka. 

Nora seemed to be studying him for a minute. “Why?” she asked, grabbing a beer. 

“No reason,” Alex said, a bit too fast. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’m not,” she said, raising her hands in mock surrender. Then, she grabbed his hand and started dragging him out of the kitchen. “Come,” she said, “we need to dance.” 

Dancing had never been Alex’s strong point, but just this once, he let Nora guide him to what looked like a living room full of people. The music was louder there and they were all dancing. Nora started moving to the beat in front of him and Alex rolled his eyes, but followed her step. He was careful not to spill his drink and soon the world started melting around him. Nora left at some point and came back with a whole new bottle of vodka. Alex was almost sure June appeared and danced with them for a while. He had no idea how much time had passed. The music was nice and the feeling of the alcohol clouding his mind was even nicer. Henry and Pez found them at some point, while they were dancing close to the pool. Alex had no idea how they’d gotten there. 

He started walking away as soon as he saw them. It felt kind of rude leaving like that, without even mumbling an excuse, but he didn’t really think about that when he left. Now, his head was growing heavier and so was his body. He climbed up the stairs, hoping to find an empty room, away from all the noise and away from Henry. He needed time alone, time to breathe. 

It didn’t take him long to find a room like that. It was dark, but Alex could make out the shape of a bed and a couple other furniture. He laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. It wasn’t long before someone opened the door again. Alex opened his eyes and saw a dark silhouette enter the room, one that he could easily recognize. It was Henry, with his broad shoulders and his curly hair. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at Alex. 

“You are doing it again,” he said. 

Alex pulled himself up. “Doing what?” he asked. 

“You don’t like Pez, that’s the problem, right?” Henry tried again. 

“I like Pez,” Alex said and it was the truth. Pez was a cool guy. He just didn’t like how close him and Henry were. 

Henry pulled his legs up on the bed. He sat cross-legged, fully facing Alex now. “So what’s the fucking problem?” he asked, frustration painting every one of his words. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Alex lied and got up to leave. 

Henry, though, was quick to grab his hand and pull himself up, too. As Alex turned to confront him, Henry took a step closer and kissed him. 

Alex’s eyes widened for a moment. Then he noticed how soft Henry’s lips were against his and he melted into the kiss. Henry let go of his hand and pulled him closer, placing his palm on the small of Alex’s back. Alex’s hands found their way to Henry’s hair, pulling slightly. They were as soft as he imagined. 

Henry was kissing him. Henry was kissing  _ him _ and Alex felt like he had stepped into some kind of parallel universe, where he wasn’t the only one who wanted this. And  _ oh _ , how much he wanted it. Henry started planting little kisses on his jaw and on his neck and Alex was feeling like he might just die. His heart was beating faster than ever before and his whole body felt weak. 

Alex had almost forgotten where they were, when the sound of a door opening violently brought him back to reality. There was a hurried  _ sorry _ and then the sound of the door closing again, but the damage had already been done. Henry expression was unreadable and Alex felt like a scared animal caught in the headlight. What was he  _ thinking _ ? Kissing Henry like that. His head was still buzzing from the alcohol and the kiss and he needed a moment, a moment to breath and  _ think _ . 

But Henry was right there, looking at him and Alex didn’t know if he was also drunk or if he wanted this at all. 

“I - er - I have to… go,” Alex said. His thoughts were all over the place and it all felt unreal to him. 

Before Henry could say anything, Alex was out of the room and climbing down the stairs. 

  
  


Nora didn’t look surprised. Alex had found the girls still dancing with Pez next to the pool and he dragged them home. To June’s home. He didn’t dare go back to his flat yet. Surprisingly, none of them asked what happened when they returned. But when Nora found Alex on the kitchen the next morning, she had that look on her face that said, “ _ You better tell me why you made us leave the party like that last night and I hope it’s a good enough reason _ ”.

So Alex opened his mouth and let all the thoughts he’d been having the last few weeks flow out. But, at the end, Nora didn’t look surprised — not in the slightest. Instead, she looked almost  _ angry _ . 

“So,” she said, “let me get this straight.  _ He _ kissed  _ you _ and you are still unsure about his feelings? You still think that there might be something going on with him and Pez? Does Henry look like the type of guy who would cheat on his boyfriend?” Nora sighed. “I thought you were smarter than that, Alex.” There was a hint of disappointment in her voice. 

“Do you think I blew it?” he asked. 

Nora took a sip of her coffee and seemed to be thinking about it for a second. “No, I don’t think you blew it,” she said. “But you should head back home and explain this to him. It’s alright to feel confused and lost, and he should understand.” 

Alex avoided her gaze. “But what if I, myself, don’t understand it? I’ve never liked a guy before. I’ve never felt the way I feel about Henry before.” 

Something softened in Nora’s expression. “Oh, my sweet boy,” she said smiling, “you’ve fallen in love.” 

“Maybe I don’t want to fall in love,” he said, burying his face into his hands. 

“That’s not something you can control,” Nora said. “And you shouldn’t be afraid of it. Henry is a great person. And don’t worry. Maybe you don’t understand it now, or you’re finding it difficult to accept, but the time will come when you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin again.” 

Her words were echoing inside his mind. Alex looked at Nora. “So, what now?” he asked. 

“Now,” she said, “you go get your boy.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was a weird feeling — the one Alex was experiencing. It was almost like electricity was running through his whole body. He took the bus home and for the whole ride, he kept cracking his knuckles or fixing his hair or tapping his foot. He just needed to keep himself busy and definitely not think about Henry. 

What Alex didn’t expect to see when he opened the door to their flat, was Henry fighting with a stranger. It was a man, quite older than him, with blue eyes and brown hair. He was shouting at Henry — something about wasting his life — and Henry looked angry. Alex hadn’t seen him like that before. His whole face was red, his body tense and his eyes puffy. 

“What the hell?” Alex asked, frozen at the door. 

They both turned to look at him and now, Alex could clearly see the resemblance. 

The stranger raised one eyebrow and studied Alex for a long moment. “Who are you?” he said. There was something in his voice that sounded awfully like disgust. 

Alex decided he didn’t like this man. At all. His expression turned from confused to stony and his hands turned into fists. “This is my house,” he said, “and I’d like you to leave.”

The man laughed. “Do you even know who you are talking to?” he said, his voice icy cold, and then turned to Henry. “Is he one of your… acquaintances?” he asked and there it was again, that hint of disapproval mixed with disgust. 

“That’s none of your business,” Alex said. “Please get out of my house,  _ sir _ .”

Alex didn’t dare look at Henry. He didn’t know if this man was his father or his brother or whatever, but he wouldn’t let anyone talk to Henry like that. 

The man scoffed and walked towards the door. “Come Henry,” he said. “We’re leaving this place.” 

But Henry didn’t move and Alex felt relief wash over him. The man stopped when he realized Henry wasn’t following him and turned to look at him. But it was too late, because he was already out of the house and Alex slammed the door in his face. The man started banging at it and saying that he wouldn’t leave without Henry, but Alex no longer cared for him. 

Henry ran to his room as soon as the door closed and the man was out of the flat. For a moment, Alex wasn’t sure if he should follow him or not, but regardless of what had happened between them, Henry needed someone right now. 

Alex opened the bedroom door to find Henry balled in his bed. He put his pillow over his head as soon as he saw Alex enter, but there was no hiding the fact he was crying. Alex kneeled next to his bed and placed one hand on Henry’s shaking shoulder. 

“Henry,” he said, softly. “Do you want to talk about this?” 

“I’m sorry,” came Henry’s muffled voice. 

“There is nothing to be sorry about,” Alex said and Henry removed the pillow from his face and pulled himself up. He sat cross-legged on the bed, his back on the headrest and Alex sat right in front of him. Henry avoided his eyes, looking at his hands. His eyes looked even bluer now. 

“Who was that man?” Alex asked. 

“My brother, Phillip,” Henry said, his voice barely a whisper. 

“He seems like a real dickhead.” 

Henry laughed at that. “Yeah, he is.” 

Alex studied his face. He wasn't sure what was okay to ask and what was not. He didn't want to cross some line and make Henry uncomfortable. And he didn't know how to act around Henry after the previous night. 

“So, what did he want?” he finally said. 

“He thinks I’m wasting my life and he wants me back home.” There was a certain kind of tiredness in his voice.

“Why would he think that?” Alex asked. He didn’t understand what Phillip’s problem was. Henry was an amazing, talented person, and doing what you love, certainly wasn’t  _ wasting your life _ . 

Henry took a deep shaky breathe. “My family… disapproves of my lifestyle,” he said, still avoiding Alex’s eyes. 

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Your lifestyle?”

Henry finally looked him in the eyes. “Alex, I don’t know if you’ve figured it out by now, but I’m gay.” 

“Oh,” Alex said, unable to form any other words just yet. He hadn’t, in fact, figured it out. Or rather — he suspected it, but he didn’t want to jump into any conclusions. 

Henry raised an eyebrow. “Is that all you’re going to say?” 

Alex felt heat rise on his cheeks. “I mean,” he started, “why would they have a problem with that? It’s not like it’s something you chose or something you can change.”

Henry let out a deep sigh and buried his face on his hands. “I don’t know, Alex. Go ask them. The moment I come out as gay, they keep me out of the house for not at least trying to be straight?” 

Alex didn’t know what to say to that. His family had always been open and accepting. He couldn’t even imagine how it must feel like to have the most important people in your life treat you like that and just stop loving and supporting you, simply because of who you are. It was making him upset. Henry didn’t deserve being treated like that. 

“Fuck them,” Alex said, a little bit louder than he expected. “Seriously, what do they know? You are a great person and I’m so glad I met you and if they can’t see that, then it’s their fault.” 

Henry sighed again. “I know,” he said, “I know. But sometimes… I just wish it didn’t have to be like that.” 

“Yeah,” Alex said, his voice barely a whisper. “But you have us now. Pez and June and Nora and me and we all love you. But… if you really want to try and fix your relationship with your family… I promise to help you.”

Henry drew his eyebrows together. “Help me?” he asked. “How?” 

“I have no idea,” Alex said. “But I promise to do it.” 

_ Because I don’t want to see you crying like that ever again, _ he wanted to say.  _ Because it feels like someone took a knife and drove it into my heart again and again and again, _ he wanted to say.  _ Because you are carrying this unbearable sadness within you and seeing you like that is tearing me apart.  _

Instead, Alex reached over and wrapped his arms around Henry, holding him as tightly as he could. 

_ Because I love you _ , he thought. 


	6. Chapter 6

Alex’s parents didn’t visit often, especially together, but once June casually mentioned Alex hired a new employee, who so happens to have become his new flatmate, they got into a car and drove across half the country. He knew they wanted to take a look at that new mysterious friend of his themselves. The truth was, Alex had only ever had one really good friend — apart from June and Nora, who didn’t count because they were family. But him and Liam hadn’t talked since high school ended and Alex had never really mentioned anyone else to his parents. Maybe, after all, Alex wasn’t as sociable as he thought he was. So, they must have been really surprised when June told them someone new had entered their lives. 

Only a couple of days had passed since the night him and Henry kissed and the morning Alex found Phillip in their flat, and they hadn’t really talked about any of it. Actually, they hadn’t really talked at all. The adrenaline that had filled Alex’s body after he realized he liked Henry had now turned to fear. Every time he tried to talk to him, the words died in his mouth before he could say anything. And Henry seemed to be avoiding him as much as Alex was. 

His parents being in the house was a nice break from the heavy, awkward atmosphere that had settled over their flat. Alex felt like he could laugh again, without it sounding forced or awkward. They brought June, Nora and wine with them and a weight was lifted off his chest. His father soon left for the kitchen and Alex followed him. It was their thing. On family gatherings, they always cooked together. 

“So, how’s the shop going?” Oscar asked, while throwing the peppers into the pan. 

Alex handed him the chopped onions and his father threw them into the pan, too. “It’s going well,” he said. 

“And how’s it going with your new friend?” Oscar asked again. There was something weird on the way he said  _ friend _ . 

“Good, I guess,” he said and definitely didn’t miss the side glance his father gave him. “We… we had a fight, but we’ll work it out sooner or later.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Oscar said, stirring the peppers and the onions on the pan. “Friends fight all the time. I’m sure it’s nothing important. Henry looks like a good guy. Just talk to him.” 

Alex sighed. “I wish that was as easy as you make it sound.” 

“Mi hijo,” his father said turning to look at him, “it  _ is _ easy. One word after the other. Whatever is holding you back will just end up making you a miserable man. What we have in our heart, we must always say it.”

Alex pretended to check on the rice, just so he could avoid his father’s gaze and keep himself busy. “Tienes razón, supongo,” he said. Of course he was right. His father was really good at understanding way more than what he was told. Alex wondered if he could see how his son thought of Henry as more than a friend. Alex wondered if you was that easy to read. 

When the food was ready and they went back to the living room, his mother was apparently interrogating Henry. He didn’t look very bothered by it, though. He was wearing one of his half-genuine smiles, but there was a certain kind of melancholy in his eyes. Only then did Alex realize how sad it must had made him feel seeing such a happy family, when his own family threw him out after he came out.

After that realization, this familiar weight returned on his heart. Alex felt like he had no right being happy with his family like that or forcing Henry to stick around and witness it. Well, technically, he wasn’t forcing him to do anything, but they also lived in the same flat. It was ridiculous, Alex knew it was ridiculous to feel like that, but that didn’t make it any easier. 

They ate and drank and laughed and talked and Alex realized how much he’d missed this. Just being with the people you love, discussing with them and hearing them laugh. Henry excused himself after they had emptied the plates and headed to his room. He said something about needing to work on something. 

His parents left a couple of hours later and the girls stayed for one more hour or so. When the house was empty again, Alex couldn’t help but think of Henry again. His father was right — keeping everything inside was making him a miserable man. Alex knocked on Henry’s door softly, in case he had already fallen asleep. 

“Come in,” came Henry’s muffled voice from inside. 

When Alex opened the door, he found him sitting on the floor, his back resting at the foot of the bed and a nearly empty bottle of wine on his hand. “You have been drinking?” he asked. 

“Isn’t that obvious?” Henry said, slightly raising the bottle towards Alex. 

“But why?” Alex said, sitting next to Henry. 

“I guess I was a little bit sad,” he said. 

Alex sighed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Henry took another sip off the bottle. “No, not really,” he said. 

“Is it because of my parents?” Alex asked and Henry froze if only for a second. 

“Your parents are wonderful people,” he finally said, his voice a bit shaky. 

“Do they remind you of your parents?” Alex asked, knowing this was too heavy of a question, but at the same time, he just wanted Henry to talk to him, to  _ trust _ him, to not be miserable. 

Henry let out a dry laugh. “Not really,” he said. “I mean, my father was a great person, but he’s dead now, and my mother hasn’t been sober since he died.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Alex whispered, which was the dumbest thing to say, but really, he was very bad at comforting people. He pretended not to notice the tears streaming down Henry’s cheeks. 

“Sometimes I wish I had a family, you know,” Henry said, his voice low and raw. 

Alex’s gaze settled upon his face. His beautiful, blue eyes, his high cheekbones and his strong jaw. “We can be your family,” he said. “ _ I _ can be your family.” 

Henry turned to look at him and Alex felt like he was falling and falling and falling into his eyes. And then Alex leaned towards Henry and kissed him. It was a soft, quick kiss — a touch of the lips, a hesitant move. But as Alex was leaning back again, Henry’s hand found its way to the back of his neck and pulled him in again. 

This kiss was faster, needier, more desperate. Henry’s hands were on Alex’s hair and Alex gripped Henry’s shirt, keeping him close. This kiss was disorientating and deep and Alex hadn’t felt his heart beat that fast before. 

But it wasn’t long before Henry broke the kiss and placed his palm flat into Alex’s chest. They were looking straight into each other’s eyes. 

“Alex, what are we doing?” Henry asked, ever the logical one. 

Alex’s eyes involuntarily traveled to his lips. “Kissing, I suppose,” he said. 

“Do you like me?” Henry asked and Alex’s heart skipped a bit. 

“Yes, I believe I do like you,” he replied, his mouth dry and his voice weak. Only then did Alex realized how scared he was Henry might not feel the same way. 

But Henry laughed and kissed Alex again. “I like you too,” he said. 

Alex couldn’t help but smile. “You should have said it sooner,” he said. 

Henry rolled his eyes. “ _ I _ should have said it sooner? I literally kissed you first and then you panicked and started ignoring me again.” 

“Maybe,” Alex said, turning red. 

And then, they kissed again. And again and again and again — and every time, Alex felt like it was his first time kissing someone. Kissing Henry was different — it was something new. It made him feel whole in his heart. 

Alex slept in Henry’s room that night, with Henry’s arms wrapped around him and Alex’s head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. Alex hadn’t felt that peaceful in ages. 

When he woke up again, the sun was shinning and the bed was warm, but Henry wasn’t there. A sudden wave of panic washed over his body as he fumbled with the bed sheets. A million terrible thoughts were passing through his mind, when he noticed a folded sheet of paper tapped on the bedroom door. It had his name on it. Alex opened it with trembling hands, hoping that it’s not some kind of goodbye letter. 

_ Good morning darling, _ it read.  _ There are a couple of things I need to take care of. I’m going back home, I need to talk to my family. See you later. H.  _


	7. Chapter 7

A day passed and Henry didn't return. Alex tried not to worry, but it was nearly impossible. He didn't know whether Henry was safe or whether his family had killed him or whether he was straight up lying and this was his way of getting rid of Alex. 

One more day passed and Alex decided to call Pez. He had no idea where Henry's house was or if it even was a good idea to go there, but Pez seemed more than happy to help him. Alex had the faintest idea Pez disliked Henry’s family as much as he did. 

What Alex didn’t expect was for the house to look like  _ that _ . Pez stopped the car in front of a metallic door that — as far as he could see — led to a garden and a villa. A gasp escaped Alex. He had suspected Henry was wealthy in a way, but he didn’t expect him to be actually rich. 

“You really don’t know who Henry is, right?” Pez asked laughing and Alex turned red. 

Pez opened his window and took his red sunglasses off. He pressed the ring button on the intercom and looked straight into the camera.

“Good evening,” he said. 

“Welcome, Mr. Okonjo,” came the answer through the speaker, before the metallic door started moving. 

_ What the fuck _ , mouthed Alex. 

“If you tell June or Nora that people call me Mr. Okonjo, I’m gonna kill you with my own two hands,” Pez said. 

Alex laughed. “Why? It sounds pretty cool to me.” 

Pez just rolled his eyes and stopped the car in front of the house. A man was waiting for them at the door. He was tall and tanned, his hair dark, same as his eyes. 

“Shaan!” Pez shouted as soon as he saw him, opening his arms, as if he was about to give him a hug. “Long time no see.” 

“Mr. Percy,” the man — Shaan — said, all serious. “It’s not the best time to visit.” 

“Oh, come on, Shaan,” Pez said. “I have something very,  _ very _ important to talk to Henry about. And I’m not leaving if he doesn’t come down here and tell us to go himself.” 

Shaan sighed and then his gaze landed on Alex. “And who is he?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. At this point, Alex was almost certain everyone that Henry interacted with at his house — save Pez — was an absolute douchebag. 

“Just a friend,” Pez answered, casually. 

Shaan narrowed his eyes at them. “Name,” he demanded. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Alex Claremont-Diaz.”

“Noted,” Shaan said, literally writing it down on a small notebook.

Alex resisted the urge to mouth  _ what the fuck _ again. He felt like he had stumbled into some kind of alternative universe. 

Shaan finally let them in. He said Henry was resting at the moment and he started leading them through corridors and rooms that reminded Alex of a palace. Tall paintings and tapestries covered the walls and golden chandeliers hang from the ceiling. Alex made a mental note to ask Henry what on earth was his family actually doing for a living. Shaan finally stopped in front of a double white door. He knocked and from inside came a groan. 

“Mr. Henry,” Shaan said, “Mr. Percy is here to see you with someone called Alex Claremont-Diaz.” 

The sound of something falling came from inside the room and then Alex heard Henry’s hurried footsteps getting closer. A second later, a wide-eyed Henry opened the door. “Hey,” he said, looking at Alex.

“Hey,” Alex said. 

Pez scoffed. “I brought him here and I don’t even get a  _ hey _ ,” he said. 

Henry smiled. “Hello, Mr. Percy,” he said, but Alex would see that his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Shaan cleared his throat. “I’m going to be at my room, if you need anything,” he said to Henry and started walking away. 

As soon as they were inside Henry’s room, he pulled them both in a tight hug. 

“Hey, is everything alright?” Alex whispered. 

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Henry said, clearing his throat and pulling away. 

Pez walked towards Henry’s bed and jumped on it. Only then did Alex notice his bedroom. It was almost as big as his flat. There was a wall covered with books and another one with photographs, paintings and newspaper clippings. The walls were a creamy colour and the curtains were drawn, but the room was still full of light. There was a couch and a fireplace opposite the bed. 

“What are you doing here, Henry?” Pez asked. Alex wasn’t sure if what he heard in Pez’s words was anger, worry or exhaustion. Maybe all three. 

Henry sighed. “I just thought it might be worth another try,” he said, walking to the couch. 

Alex followed him. “And?” he asked. 

“Phillip and Grandma think I finally came to my senses and returned, and Bea,my sister, is not even in the house most of the time. I think she is mad at me,” he explained to Alex. 

Pez scoffed. “Didn’t expect anything else,” he said. 

“So, why are you two here?” he asked and Alex wanted to kiss him right here and now. It had only been two days but he had already started missing Henry. 

“We’re gonna get you back home,” Pez answered. “You’re not staying here.”

Henry tried to protest. Alex took his hands into his own and looked at him in the eyes.  _ Oh _ , how _ beautiful _ the blue of his eyes was. 

“Henry,” Alex said, “please come back home. I don’t think staying here will do you any good.” 

Pez got up. “Come on,” he said. “You're not staying here for any longer.”

Henry was about to say something, but a knock at his door stopped him. “Yes?” he asked, quite uncertain. 

“Henry, my dear, it's Grandma,” came a muffled voice from outside. “Can I come in?” 

Henry's eyes widened and he stumbled towards the door. “One second!” he shouted, urging the others to hide. 

Pez ran to Alex and grabbed his hand, leading him to Henry's wardrobe. 

“Looks like you've done this more than once,” Alex whispered as Pez was closing the door. He couldn't see Pez anymore and they barely fit inside. 

Pez only shushed him and Alex heard Henry open the door. There was the sound of footsteps and someone clearing their throat. Then, that voice can again — the voice of Henry's grandmother. 

“I wanted to talk to you, my dear,” she said. 

Henry's voice was barely audible when he spoke. “Sure.”

Alex felt his chest tighten. 

“I'm so happy that you're back,” she started. “We all are. It was about time you came into your senses and left these… ideas behind you.”

Henry didn't answer and inside the closet, Pez's hand squeezed Alex's. 

“Phillip is looking forward to working with you. Your office is ready and he is more than happy to welcome you. I hope you know understand how your… situation would be a liability.” Her voice was drilling into Alex's head and making him shake. 

There was the sound of footsteps again. “Remember we love you,” she said. 

That was what did it for Alex. These people didn't love Henry. Pez loved Henry.  _ He _ loved Henry. It was infuriating to hear these words from someone who didn't accept him, someone who wanted to change him and make him live a lie. Henry was gay and that was a fact. If his family couldn't accept it then they didn't deserve him. 

Alex stormed out of the closet, dragging Pez with him. It took him a second to take in the picture in front of him. Henry, who apparently was sitting on his bed, shot up. He was staring at them, his eyes still wide and his mouth hanging open. His grandmother was in front of him, an expression of confusion plastered all over her face. 

“Mr. Percy, what-” she started, but was interrupted by Alex. 

“Pez, get Henry’s suitcase,” he said. “We’re leaving.” 

Alex moved towards Henry. He grabbed his hand and put himself in between him and his grandmother. He looked at the old lady and his eyes were burning. “This is bullshit,” he said. “Henry is a great person and you don’t love him. If you think that’s love, then I’m not even sure you’ve ever truly loved anyone in your life. Can’t you see you are drowning him?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. “We’re leaving,” he said to Henry, already dragging him away. Pez was waiting for them at the door, carrying a big suitcase and ready to run. 

“Henry!” his grandmother shouted as they were walking away. “What’s the meaning of all this?” Anger filled her voice.

Alex only looked at her again once he was at the bedroom’s doorstep. “Either you’ll accept Henry as he is, or he is not coming back again,” he said and slammed the door. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is a wrap! It was really nice writing this❤ Once again I'd like to thank [@narcissacronin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissacronin/pseuds/narcissacronin) for beta reading this and [@aftgfanart](https://aftgfanart.tumblr.com) for creating some awesome art for this fic, which you'll see in this chapter!!
> 
> And of course, a huge thanks to all of you who left kudos and comments and made my day❤

Once every year, there was a city fair. Alex loved this kind of events. The colours and the lights dancing around you, the smell of the food stalls in the air, the music and the games. He liked being among the people, feeling them rushing and laughing all around him. Everyone was always happy in city fairs. Alex liked seeing people being happy. 

Henry seemed more nervous than happy, though. A couple of days had passed since Pez and Alex stormed out of his wardrobe and dragged him away from his house. And although Alex felt lighter than ever, Henry looked like he was expecting someone to knock on the door and take him back any minute now. That's why Alex decided to take him to the fair. 

They hadn't really talked about what it was that they had. Sometimes they kissed and cuddled and Alex felt his heart swell. This whole situation made him feel so nice and once again he found himself being afraid of ruining it all. But in a sudden moment of bravery he took Henry to the fair — something he considered to be a date, although he hadn’t exactly made it clear. 

Right at the entrance, there was a group painting people’s faces. Alex thought it would be incredibly funny to let them turn them to butterflies, but Henry said he wanted something simpler. Alex went and bought them waffles, which he almost dropped when he returned and saw that Henry had asked them to draw a rainbow flag on his cheek. Alex wanted to kiss him so badly at that moment. 

They held hands and got into rides. Alex won a pink teddy bear and he tried not to think too hard about the way Henry look at him when he showed it to him. Henry was proven to be an excellent archer and won a snow globe, even though it was the middle of summer. 

  


Somehow, close to midnight, they eventually found themselves sitting on a bench. They had bought beers and pizza and the summer air made Alex’s skin feel sticky. 

“Thank you,” Henry said after a while. His words took Alex by surprise and he felt his eyebrows shoot up. 

“About what?” Alex said, confused. Henry wasn't looking at him, but at the food stalls in front of them. He seemed relaxed. 

“Everything?” he said, his voice curling around that one word and making Alex's heart skip a beat. 

Alex laughed awkwardly. “There's nothing to thank me about.”

“Oh, there is,” Henry said, finally turning to look at him. “My grandmother is a powerful woman and not even Pez had ever dared to talk to her like that. But you did, you stood up for me and I can't thank you enough for that. You don't know how much it meant for me.”

Alex felt his face heat up. He smiled, but avoided Henry's eyes. He didn't really know what to say to all that. He wasn't brave, he just acted in impulse most of the time. He didn't deserve to be thanked. 

Henry took Alex's hands on his own and took a deep breath. “Alex Claremont-Diaz,” he said, “do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Alex's eyes widened as he looked at Henry, who was smiling softly at him. 

“I understand if you need time to think about it,” Henry said, slowly letting go of Alex's hands. 

This brought Alex back to reality and he grabbed and squeezed Henry's hand. “No, wait,” he said. “I don't need time. I– I'd love to be your boyfriend, H.”

They both smiled and Alex leaned in and kissed Henry's cheek softly. He felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. 

“In fact,” Alex started again, “there is nothing in the world I'd love more than being your boyfriend.”

  
  


Alex had never seen Bea before. So, when he opened the door to a blonde woman with thick eyeliner and black clothes, he was surprised to say the least. 

“Hello,” she said. “Is Henry here?” 

Henry, who was in fact sprawled on their couch reading a book, craned his neck and shot up as soon as he saw her. 

“Bea!” he said, running to the door and hugging the woman tightly. “What are you doing here?” 

“Can't I just visit my little brother?” Bea asked. She looked at Henry with puppy eyes and he smiled. 

“Come in,” Henry said and led her to the couch. Alex sat down on the armchair close to Henry. He wasn't even sure if he was supposed to be there or not. 

“Phillip told me all about your spectacular exit,” she said, laughing.

Both Alex and Henry turned red. “I wouldn't call it spectacular,” Henry said. 

“Oh, so your boyfriend storming out of a closet and dragging you away isn't spectacular?” Bea turned to Alex. “It was about time someone told everything you did to our grandmother's face.”

“Don't encourage him,” Henry said, but he was smiling. “There is no telling what he might do next time.”

“How ungrateful,” Alex said rolling his eyes, but smiling at Henry. 

“So, is that why you came?” Henry asked Bea. 

“I really wanted to meet this Alex,” she said. “But, also because I've missed you.” Bea pinched Henry's cheek and hugged him again. 

“I've missed you too,” Henry whispered. 

Alex suddenly felt like he wasn't supposed to be there — like this was a very personal moment that he had no right watching. He stood up and walked to his room, letting Bea and Henry talk alone. It was almost an hour later when Henry knocked at his door. 

“We ordered pizza,” he said, “and we're gonna watch a movie. Would you like to join us?” 

“Sure,” Alex said and pulled himself off the bed. Henry gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as they made their way to the couch. 

The pizza arrived and Henry went to the kitchen to bring some plates and glasses for their beers. While he was gone, Bea turned to Alex and squeezed his hand, much like Henry had done two nights before. 

“Thank you,” she said, and once again Alex found himself at a loss of words. “I haven’t seen Henry so happy in a lot of time.”

Alex managed to smile and swallow the lump that had risen in his throat. Henry came back and he sat in between them. They watched some kind of comedy, but if someone were to ask Alex about it, he wouldn’t be able to mention a single thing that happened in it. He was too focused on the feeling of Henry’s arm around his shoulders and the warmth pooling on his stomach. For a second, he wished he could stay in that moment forever. 

When Bea left, she promised to try and talk to Phillip and their grandmother again. Henry’s eyes were red and his voice shaky when he spoke to her. They all knew he was trying to hold his tears back — and maybe Alex wanted to cry with him, too. 

The truth was, Alex realized, that he wanted to do everything with Henry. He wanted to laugh and cry and shout with him. He wanted to be by his side on the good, the bad and everything in between. He, Alex realized, loved Henry with every fiber of his body. He loved his eyes and his hands and his smell and the sound of him laughing. He loved everything about him. 

Bea left. Henry closed the door behind her and as soon as they were alone again, Alex wrapped his arms around Henry and let him cry.

“It’s all going to be okay,” he whispered into Henry’s neck. “You have me now.” 

Alex wanted to kiss Henry and make him feel loved, make him feel at home. 

Maybe that’s what they both needed, at the end. 

To be love, to feel at home. 


End file.
